On Motherhood

by kelliannepace

I have always wanted children. Always. I have also always wanted a large family. I could easily picture myself watching my 4 or 5 kids running around, hollering, and squealing with laughter. I just knew I would be a fun mom. I also wanted to be a young mom, however, sadly, the term “young mom” now refers to teen moms and no, I did not want that! Haha! I had my daughter when I was 23 years old. I got pregnant only a few months after I got married and although it was not planned, I welcomed the adventure with open arms. That is, until morning sickness hit, I started gaining weight, and my husband and I moved our entire lives from North to South! 

Still, no matter how bad things got, I wanted my baby. I prayed and prayed for her and then she came on May 7th, 2012. The love I felt for this little being was indescribable and I felt a power in me that I had never felt before. I now felt like I could protect this little one from absolutely anything and I knew that this was my job. All desires of being a teacher (this is what I earned a degree in) and changing the world came to an abrupt halt and now all I cared about was teaching this young, little, lady how to survive in this world with grace and poise and protecting her the best I possibly could. 

This is not to say that is was or is not hard. I am 23 years old. Most people my age are dating, drinking, partying, working, exploring the world, and I am spending my days changing diapers and running errands. My daughter is only 2 months old, (almost 3!!) but I am depending on a lifetime with her. At times, I feel sad that I am missing out on all this adventure that others my age are having, but on the flip side, look at what they are missing.

Every morning, my husband kisses me and stays in bed just a few minutes longer after his alarm goes off just to cuddle me. Then, when I am ready to get up, my faithful dog greets me with kisses and leads me to the baby’s room where I am welcomed by the prettiest face and smile. I spend the day watching her recognize colors, follow voices, observe her new surroundings, and I get to be the main person she trusts. It is hard sometimes, because let’s face it, babies are not the easiest. But even when she is crying non-stop for no reason at all, and I am juggling groceries on one arm, her in the other, the phone is ringing, the dog is barking, the truck is almost out of gas, I am on the verge of tears because my husband is only days from deploying and leaving me alone in this crazy house, I still feel blessed. I may not feel it in that moment, but later in the night when I finally put her down to sleep, and I have a free moment to myself, I am able to look back on the day and laugh. Things could ALWAYS be worse. 

So, my favorite question these past two months : “How is motherhood treating you?” Fine, it is treating me just fine. Thank you! 

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