On Friends and Home

by kelliannepace

I don’t think I could have been anymore excited to move away from Winchester, Massachusetts. I don’t think my smile could have been wider the last time I ever had to make the nearly 2 hour commute from Lesley University to Newport, Rhode Island to see my husband. I had been spending 2-3 nights a week at my mom’s house for almost 3 months so I could attend my classes in Cambridge and then drive home to my soon-to-be husband who was attending school in Newport. It was only a couple of weeks before my wedding when I would stop making that dreadful drive and I remember driving on 93 South, right through the tunnel and saying out loud that I would not miss this. However, only a couple of months after my husband and I wed did my mom move from Winchester to California. As we drove back home after dropping her off at the airport, I gazed at the Boston skyline in the dark early morning and felt a sickness in my stomach. I wouldn’t be here much longer. We were packing to move to Connecticut and then Georgia. I didn’t know when I would be back. However, I softened the ache in my heart and told myself I was moving on to bigger and better adventures. 

Moving to the south meant I was moving away from my friends. Being a Navy wife, you cannot depend on friendships. The word “friend” is so easily tossed around and even though you may never talk to them again after your shared duty station, you act as if that friendship will never end. It is hard for me to do this. I take friendship very seriously. My best friend is my husband. He is my one best friend in the whole wide world that will always be a constant. Yes, I make friends where ever we move, but after a few months, one of us will move away and that is that. Bonds are almost impossible to form because saying good-bye isn’t the easiest thing for me to do. 

This isn’t the easiest way to live. I cannot tell you how many times I break down and cry because I become so homesick. I honestly don’t believe this feeling would become so severe if I had friends other than my husband. When my husband is home, I am perfectly fine. It is when he is deployed that I seek the familiarity of home and friends that I grew up with. 

My personality is what also inhibits me from making good friends. Plain and simply… I am mean. I like to judge horribly dressed girls, I swear, and I don’t apologize for being who I am. I like to just drive around singing to the radio, I like going shopping, I like to talk about almost anything, and I love being spontaneous. I hate people who whine or spend their whole life making up special needs for themselves or closing their minds to adventure. I don’t live the “woe is me” lifestyle and because of that, I don’t give pity. I’d rather not surround myself with that nonsense. Back home, I had friends who were just my type. I had a best friend who was my partner in crime, but our lives have moved in complete opposite directions. It hurts that we had to say good-bye, and it upsets me to think about it, but life is ever evolving and everything happens for a reason. 

My husband is deployed right now. I cannot count how many times I have cried because I just want to go home. I just wan to be around something familiar and stable, but I stay because this is where my husband left me. And when he comes home, I will be here. I never thought I would live the military life, and actually, before my husband joined the Navy, I remember telling him I could never live that life. However, I love my husband to the moon and back and I would do anything to make him happy. He loves serving his country, he loves the adventures we go on, and I love that he is happy. He makes us a beautiful life and I couldn’t be more proud of him. Whenever I feel lonely, I just know that I have him and he can always make things better. He is home. He is my best friend.